Control...Are you in or out of control?

Rob Naddelman: Through a Parent’s Eyes

Controlling your surroundings, relationships, and even your children is a tough challenge for all parents. Even with my little ones, I hear all the time, “I want to do it myself daddy,” when I overstep my bounds and try to do small things for my girls. As they get older and I want to insert myself into their college or job search, I am sure it will be even more of a challenge to strike the necessary balance.

What I am starting to learn is that every day, and every situation is an opportunity to empower my children to handle themselves with self esteem and pride, versus stepping in and doing everything for them. In the end, it may make it easier for me to just handle it, but what am I teaching them in the long run?

Parents of young men that are going through the college search process have a great opportunity to help educate, guide, and empower their children to make good decisions. Don’t do all the research yourself. Resist the temptation to write his cover letters and resumes for him. Ask your son good questions. Get his mind thinking. Try as hard as you can to get him to speak about what he is interested in. Help him understand how courses of study in college translate into real jobs. Educate him on the power of networking and how attending college gives you a network and resources you can tap into for a lifetime. My partner at Baseball Factory is Steve Sclafani, my former teammate at the University of Pennsylvania. I probably continue to tap into my large Penn network at least once a week. It is a powerful tool.

Keep encouraging your child even when he is struggling to find the answers to his future. Hold back on your urge to control the situation for him and help him to seek out what is in his heart and his dreams. Take him to college campuses, watch college baseball games with him on ESPNU or CSTV, go on the Internet with him to research classroom sizes and academic disciplines. Encourage him to follow his intuition and give him the space to explore different options. Balance out what you think is best versus what truly makes him happy. That trust will go a long way towards his self confidence.

When you start to get the urge to take over and control his future, step back and ask yourself these questions, “Who am I satisfying here? Who’s best interest am I serving? Is this more about me then my child?” If your ego is in control, check it at the door and allow your child to stand on his own. It is one of the best gifts you can give as a parent.


Naddelman is a former two-time All Ivy League Third Baseman at the University of Pennsylvania, where he competed in a College World Series Regional. He has served as the President of Baseball Factory for the past 13 years, and also is the Executive Director of Baseball Factory's charitable arm The B.A.S.E. - H.I.T. Foundation. Naddelman and Steve Sclafani (CEO) have been featured in Business Week and CNN for their work in building Baseball Factory into the nation's leader in player development and college placement.